Fear of Happiness: How to Let It Go and Finally Live Happily

The warmth of fire, the source of water, and the finding of food have been the little things in which people have found their happiness and gratitude since ancient times. In antiquity, happiness was associated with wisdom, virtue, and a harmonious life, but today? Today, happiness is measured materially, yet even when people are financially and materially fulfilled, the desire for more money and success in the capitalist system does not cease. ‘Once I can buy a better car, a bigger house, and go on a further trip, then I will be happy!’ Moreover, many do not allow themselves to be happy with the blessings they have in this relentless ‘rat race,’ and happiness even seems to them like a dangerous peak after which an inevitable – fall – follows. And considering global disasters, poverty, wars, and the climate collapse that threatens us, who can even afford to think about happiness?

Hidden Fear

The fear of happiness has become real in recent years, and those who experience it do not see happiness as a goal, but as a precursor to pain, writes Forbes. The modern Western lifestyle considers the pursuit of happiness not only desirable but the most important value of all, yet some view happiness with suspicion. Mohsen Joshanloo and Dan Weijers, authors who researched this topic for the ‘Journal of Happiness,’ call this phenomenon ‘aversive to happiness.’ In a recent study from 2022 published in the journal ‘Motivation and Emotion,’ Joshanloo discovered that certain life experiences and beliefs can predict whether someone will develop such aversion. Strong indicators include, for example, an unhappy childhood, perfectionism, belief in black magic or karma, and feelings of loneliness. Also, if you recognize yourself in statements like ‘I don’t want to be too joyful because usually after joy comes sadness’ or ‘the happier and more joyful I am, the more I should expect something bad to happen to me,’ perhaps your problem with the fear of happiness and the effort to protect yourself psychologically is preventing you from embracing all the opportunities life offers and finally allowing yourself to love it.

Aversive to happiness also has a specific name – cherophobia, from the Greek word chiaro meaning ‘to rejoice’ and phobia meaning ‘to fear.’ However, only a professional can diagnose the fear of happiness, as cherophobia is categorized as an anxiety disorder. Sabotage, guilt, diminishing one’s own worth, and selfishness are some other characteristics of people who suffer from this fear.

Solutions Exist

Simply put, complex traumas and negative experiences from the past can discourage you regarding happiness, but nothing is lost yet. The fear of happiness can be overcome. The first step in this, as with many other fears, is acknowledgment. As soon as you realize that this pattern is learned and does not have to be that way forever, you will find it easier to confront it. Ask yourself: what would happen if you allowed yourself to feel happiness without fear of what follows? Could you sit with joy, however fleeting, and enjoy it as it is? With these questions, Joshanloo, a psychologist, points out that happiness is not something to be feared or controlled, but rather something that immensely enriches our lives.

Furthermore, for a person to be truly happy, they must first understand what the concept of happiness entails, determine their own life values and priorities, and act in accordance with them. Otherwise, one can get lost in the search for it. For example, happiness can be found in hobbies, acquiring new skills, volunteering, self-care, and even in work and religion. Keeping a journal (popularly known as journaling), cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and regular exercise can also be beneficial in overcoming the fear of happiness. Indeed, happiness is a human emotion and, as such, is subject to the same biological laws as sadness and anger, meaning it can only exist in a certain moment. However, this does not mean that it is pointless to seek it; such thinking can only further amplify the fear of happiness.

Small Things

Daily practice of gratitude is another way we can awaken a genuine sense of joy within ourselves by highlighting the small things. A roof over our heads and a warm bed are sometimes quite enough for us. At the end of the day, perhaps it is time to learn something about happiness from our humble ancestors at the beginning of the story, those who, despite a hard life, year after year, brought the world to today’s prosperity. However, it should be noted that there is another extreme, which is the socially imposed pressure that we must constantly be happy, which is neither healthy nor possible. Unhappy things simply happen, but this text serves as a reminder that in these dark times, we should look a little more often at the bright side of life. It is said for a reason that ‘happiness is in the small things.’

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