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A MAJOR TURNAROUND: The Role of Zoran Milanović in HDZ’s Selection of a Presidential Candidate

Guys, I know Andrej explained to you what our job is. So, we need to propose a candidate to him. Well, the two of us have already been, only you, Vlado, haven’t been among us. Would you perhaps take that on?

– I’m too old for that…

– How can you be too old? Look at Biden, your generation.

– You would set me up for that? No, thanks. But Andrija, you are younger, like Trump, how about you try again?

– No thanks, but, Mate, do you have anyone in mind?

– Well, Mira Gavran was mentioned, although he said he hopes he won’t be a candidate…

– But he hasn’t declined either.

– No, but his lack of enthusiasm is already a big minus for him.

– And Davor Ivo?

– I would say that he and Andrej are better off the further apart they are from each other…

– And Pantovčak is still too close to Gornji Grad. What do you say about Zdravko Marić?

– Hm, that would be interesting, but he has already escaped from politics. The question is how to bring him back.

– Difficult. So – Dragan Primorac?

– Excellent, Andrija, good thinking. He is skilled, lobbies well, and finally, we would have a doctor at the head of the state!

– Well, Mate, again with your health lobby! Our country is not sick. This is still a job for a lawyer. Let’s say – for Ivan Šimonović!

– Hey, great idea, he is completely clean, but he has been far away in the UN for years, lacks recognition on the domestic scene, and he is also waiting for a four-year term on the UN Human Rights Committee, the question is how to persuade him to sacrifice that for this risky candidacy.

– Well, that’s the problem. This one will crush everyone in the worst way. That’s why little Gordan probably withdrew in advance, just in case.

– Maybe this story is not over yet. He said he does not plan to run, but Andrej could persuade him.

– He could also persuade Frka…

– Uh, that would be cheerful, but he has that burden from the apartment, and the question is whether Andrej would want to give that up.

– And his other Zvonimir – the advisor?

– Savić? Very interesting, but without him, the entire NPOO would collapse, and Andrej cannot afford that because without that money, all subsequent budgets would fall.

– Maybe Oleg Butković would like to fight with this one again?

– Difficult, he still hasn’t recovered from his binary cow.

– Well, Andrej couldn’t even persuade him to run for mayor, he was afraid of Komadina. He won’t allow himself to lose an election.

– But we have one excellent loser – Davor Filipović!

– Ooo, he would definitely be the right one, he played excellently in Zagreb. Although he was only fourth, he at least defeated the SDP’s Klisović.

– Yes, he is the first of ours who was better than the SDP’s candidate for mayor in Zagreb.

– Hey, but he should also get Selak Raspudić.

– Well, we talked about him as a lucky loser.

– And in that context, we also have Tomislav.

– Karamarko? Who knows what he knows about this one?

– But what if he wins?

– Then we are all in trouble together. That would be an even tougher cohabitation, but everything would spill over to the party…

– Then nothing. And Ante Gotovina?

– No, he definitely won’t, it will be enough for our candidate to give him a little push again.

– Well, we also have Damir Krstičević?

– Eee, that’s what I’m asking you!

– Well, he wouldn’t want to be in politics anymore either.

– What do you say about Pavić?

– Mladen from the Ministry of Agriculture?

– No, Josip from the Ministry of Tourism and Sports.

– That little state secretary for sports?

– Hey, that little one who is 196 cm tall, a water polo player, was the best goalkeeper in the world…

– Oh, that would be an excellent solution, only if Tucak wins a medal in Paris.

– So better Tucak as a candidate?

– Difficult. But imagine, the water polo players come with gold, and on stage, their colleague, the future president, greets them alongside Andrej! Wow!

– Hey, we just need a medal.

– Do we have a chance for another one?

– Maybe in handball, but we can’t nominate that Icelander…

– Dagur Sigurðsson.

– Yes, that one. If only Lino were here too.

– Well, he is here, and he is in his prime, younger than all of us – only 75.

– And he could get Istria…

– Or at least Umag.

– And the real handball boss is ours – Davor Gobac.

– But he likes to be in the background, and he probably has reasons for that.

– We have one who likes the spotlight, he is young, and now he is popular – Franković!

– Ha, he would be ready for candidacy, as well as for home.

– We would get votes from the right with him, but it is unlikely that Andrej would agree, he has already publicly reprimanded him.

– Imagine the slogan: ‘Ready for Pantovčak!’

– People, how about we think a little out of the box? Who has done the most for us outside the party in the last ten years?

– Sanader after being expelled from the party – took everything upon himself?

– No!

– Tomašević? He gets along nicely with Andrej.

– Nooo. Zoki!

– Really!

– You are right.

– So, let’s nominate Zoki, let him be the joint candidate of the SDP and us.

– That’s a great idea. Maybe that’s the only way to get rid of him at Pantovčak.

This text is the product of the author’s dirty imagination.

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