A STORY FOR A GOOD DAY: Crisis Staff for the Defense of State Office Operations

– I am opening an extraordinary meeting of our civil service crisis staff due to the catastrophic regulation that has just come into force, which can have far-reaching consequences for all of us. First, who prepared the materials for the Government meeting on July 1 from the delivery?

– Well… I did…

– Of course, you are new. Didn’t anyone tell you how to handle documents like this Regulation on Office Operations?!

– No.

– Well, Štef, you are her boss. You know that we set such things aside, and only if the minister intervenes for the third time do we find it. And who even sent this to the Government?

– The judiciary.

– Even worse! You know that Malenica controls nothing and always forgets what he sent. He is even illegally constructing the Municipal Court building in Split. We could have gotten rid of this forever and no one would have noticed. But what is, is. Now we need to adapt.

– But how? Everything is moving to electronic communication. We can’t distribute emails around the offices.

– Well, nothing will be like before, but it can be mitigated, let’s say this about working hours with clients…

– Well, now it needs to be published on the institution’s website and in a visible place at the entrance to the official premises.

– O. K., call someone from IT for a beer and arrange for them to hide it everywhere on the web so that no one can find it, they know how to do that. The same with contacts, to hide the email as they have excellently hidden the phones so far. And we will instruct the girls at the printers to print those notifications in the smallest letters, let them reduce the size to 10 – 20 percent and the problem is solved.

– But how will we lose documents now?

– Well, for that, beer is not enough, I will have to invite the head of IT to lunch and we will find a modality. He owes me because I lost that paper with the warning before dismissal he received for getting drunk.

– Excellent, but how will we handle electronic recording?

– That will be a problem.

– And the electronic seal? What should I do with my stamp-making company?

– Reorient yourself to printing on t-shirts.

– But, let’s try, in this transitional period, to offer to print all official emails for everyone, maybe that will take off, we are doing that for some even today and it works.

– Good idea, wherever possible, just be careful not to print the minister’s invitation to dinner for the secretary again.

– It should be known that we do not have much time to adapt, only until the end of 2022, then everything will start to be mandatory for electronic data processing. Look, Iceland has 2,500 people in public administration, that is one percent of the active population. For Croatia, that would be 35,000, a tenth of the current number. Terrible!

– Fortunately, that will not happen, we in the union will not allow it! Then new elections will be approaching.

– Well, that is already a relief. But we also need to adapt. Let’s all sign up for these digitalization workshops immediately so we can become electronic couriers, pardon, electronic data processors.

– People, I would still like to say something.

– Go ahead, Štef, you are anyway to blame for everything.

– Yes, but don’t worry, I haven’t sent the materials from the Government anywhere yet so the entire public administration won’t even know about this regulation. And the Official Gazette, the bosses don’t read that anyway, except for what we print for them.

This meeting is the product of the author’s dirty imagination.

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