At a recent gathering of the ‘mothers’ on the eternal topic ‘How to deal with men and stay alive’, the first item on the agenda was the plight of friend Z., who is unhappily in love with a man who, as diagnosed by a think tank of female minds, is asexual. Although the members of the gathering unanimously agreed that friend Z. should spend her energy on guys to whom she is sexually attractive, the bitter taste left in her mouth was the information that the number of people identifying as asexual has been increasing lately. Clearly, we are talking about very small percentages, but at a time when you have entered your fourth decade of life, any reduction in the number of potential partners seems tragic. According to research available in the virtual world, one in a hundred people identifies as asexual, meaning they feel absolutely no need to engage in sexual relationships with anyone. It is important to emphasize that this only refers to those who officially declare themselves as such, which would mean that the number of people who do not engage in lovemaking is significantly higher. In this sense, asexuality should be distinguished from celibacy.
Celibacy and Asexuality
Namely, celibacy is the voluntary renunciation of sex, while asexual individuals have absolutely no need for it. They may find someone appealing on an emotional or spiritual level, but they have no desire to ‘wrestle’ with them under the sheets. The way asexuals lead their lives and view partnerships is interesting in many ways and contradicts some previous viewpoints. For instance, for Freud, libido is the desire for life that manifests in the need for lovemaking. If we follow that definition, asexuals would be individuals who have no desire for anything, which is far from accurate. They simply do not consider sex an important factor in building strong emotional bonds. They fall in love and build relationships based on other activities. Furthermore, the existence of asexuals contradicts previous Kinsey research (mid-20th century) which claims that every soul on the planet is sexual, only perhaps not aware of whom or what they feel sexual attraction towards. Modern asexuals are unanimous in the view that this is not true at all; they have truly never felt the urge to make love with anyone, they have never been aroused. Psychologists have not yet agreed whether asexuality is a disorder or a normal state, but they do agree that it can be an innate, but also a subsequently ‘adopted’ sexual orientation.
