A Small School of Economic History and Geography

We present a humorous piece that explains how economic laws function using the example of just two cows – in various economic systems and in different countries. It was posted on Facebook by New Zealand radio host Mike Hosking. However, the editorial team of Lider also has its suggestions tailored to the Croatian reality.

Readers can vote for one of these options on our PORTAL or send their own, which will compete equally for the most accurate definition of the Croatian economy. The reader who submits the most original definition will win a collection of columns by the editor-in-chief of Lider, Miodrag Šajatović – which, admittedly, does not explain the economy using livestock but rather poultry – ‘When the wind blows, turkeys fly’. You can write your suggestions and votes in the comments below this text within the next week.

First, read the original humorous piece by host Mike Hosking:

Communism
You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you a little milk.

Socialism
You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.

Fascism
You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you a little milk.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. The state takes both, kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.

Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull, increase the herd, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire thanks to that income.

Liberal Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three to your company on the stock exchange using a bank guarantee that your brother-in-law got from the bank. Then you exchange debt for equity to get all the cows back with a tax break for five cows.
The rights to milk six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman company secretly owned by a majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your company on the stock exchange. The annual report states that the company has eight cows, with an option for one more.

Italian Economy
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You go to lunch.

French Economy
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize riots, and block roads because you want three.

American Economy
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce milk for four. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why it died.

Swiss Economy
You have 5000 cows. None are yours. You charge the owners for herding services.

Irish Economy
You have two cows. One of them is a horse.

Australian Economy
You have two cows and things are going well. You close the office and go for a beer to celebrate.

Chinese Economy
You have two cows and 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and high productivity in livestock. You arrest a journalist who wrote the real state of affairs.

Indian Economy
You have two cows. You worship them.

Iraqi Economy
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You say you don’t have any. No one believes you, so they bomb you and invade the country. You still don’t have cows, but at least you have democracy now.

British Economy
You have two cows. Both are crazy.

Greek Economy
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both. The banks come for the milk, but you don’t have any, so you call the IMF. The IMF lends you two cows. You eat both. The banks and the IMF want their milk and cows. You get a partial debt write-off.

And now here are the suggestions from the editorial team of Lider:

Your neighbor has two cows. You wait for at least one to die.

You have two cows. HDZ demands lustration for both, while SDP had big plans for the recovery of the livestock fund. Just when Most was on the verge of reaching a political-livestock consensus, the cows died of hunger.

You have two cows. You don’t know what to do with them. You don’t need beef – due to mad cow disease, nor milk, because you import it anyway to avoid the hassle of milking.

You have two cows. Old nostalgics ask: – Is it possible, comrades, that we are all bulls?, while new nostalgics add: – And where is the revolution, cattle?

You have two cows. You don’t know which one gives milk, and from which you can get Swiss chocolate.

You have two cows. You start building another barn to enter the incentive program ‘One little cow – one little barn’.

You have two cows. You hire a consultant to apply for EU fund incentives. The consultant writes a program and charges it with three cows. From Brussels, you receive a favorable loan in the form of two cows. One remains with you, and with its milk, you repay the loan until the end of the cow’s life.

You have two cows. The association In the Name of the Family wants to separate them because it doubts their sexual orientation, while the association Zagreb Pride wants to paint them in rainbow colors.

The collection of columns by the editor-in-chief of Lider, Miodrag Šajatović, ‘When the wind blows, turkeys fly’ was won by Ivica Srakočić.