For days now, I have been perplexed by the title of something that is called an article on the portal of a daily newspaper: ‘Dikan and Dolores bought panties and ran into Vojković’. What makes this starlet, decrepit ‘businessman’, playboy, and panties a socially relevant topic?! Admittedly, I can only guess who the latter is, as it never occurred to me to read that piece. I doubt it would provoke the creation of any more gray matter. But even more than the title, I was astonished by the fact that it was (or is) among the most read and commented on! A title adorned with the name of Ivan Đikić or Davor Pavuna has not experienced this yet.
Even the Krapina Neanderthals did not fare better. There is no point in even nominating Bambi Molesters. The day after, I read another text. The whole thing! ‘Boredom kills students: We want a school like Facebook and laptops’. Ah, poor children are bored. Now I understand why. In a ‘regular’ school, there are no Dikan and Dolores. There are no attractive busts, photoshopped stars, polished success stories, various ’50 cents’ who have reached the life of their dreams without education. Loaded fingers with thick gold chains, the most expensive tin pets, lush starlets. Such life content is the most sought-after commodity for today’s children! Instead, they learn about some extinct civilizations (whose existence is usually proven by despised social losers), I don’t know who cares about the Greco-Persian wars, angles, lengths, cases, the world around us. Useless. What do they need all that for? They won’t be measuring strength in quizzes! Dead-cold students admit they have no work habits, they don’t study, they prefer to ‘hang out’ on social networks. Because the school program is, yawn, boring. Just like the professors.
Upon further reflection, it really is boring. Not just in school. We have no idea whether we will even have a job tomorrow, whether our company will lock its doors, whether Šuki will still have a smile under his mustache tomorrow, knowing he can get more, faster, and deeper into debt. Our employers do not know when (if ever!) they will collect receivables to pay us our salaries. We do not know if we will enjoy deserved pensions, as the system is already bursting at the seams. And what is interesting about that? It has been boring for 20 years already. If we don’t count the former state. And on the jet-set scene, we only have Dolores and Dikan, Kerum and his problem with Ferrari, here and there a star who occasionally says something stupid in public. And that’s it. Really boring.
But I have an idea! What if instead of the title at the beginning of the story, we put, for example, this: ‘Kosor and Pahor bought panties and ran into Sanader!’ Does it become more interesting? Maybe they would be intrigued by such titles: ‘Using logarithms to quadruple the amount embezzled from Podravka!’ Let’s go further. ‘Vegetarians stormed the silo, slaughtered peasant wheat with their incisors and toothless mouths!’ Or something like this: ‘With innate predatory skills, they frightened the leadership of Unicredit, received guarantees, and won the tender for the Montenegrin highway.’ This comes to mind: ‘The interest account seasoned with alchemy and went into debt at an interest rate of only 1.96 percent!’ I am sure our dear ones would immediately perk up in school and society. Because, imagine that one day such a kid, overwhelmed by boredom, becomes a future minister. Or prime minister. Or governor. So instead of wisely planned rescue moves, he decides to let banks and companies flounder in liquidity and illiquidity, each in their own misery. Because that is endlessly entertaining.
