The Most Profitable Profession in Croatia

Statistics indicate that in December of last year, the number of employed individuals decreased by 5.6 percent. On average, it was around 3.2 percent last year. This means that throughout the entire previous year, 49 thousand people ‘dropped out’ of the labor market. The majority did so because they lost their jobs. Analysts say that we can now expect waves of such bad news. The labor market, in fact, lags behind the crisis by two to three quarters. Given how inflexible we are, perhaps even more. However, I somehow do not agree with this pessimistic assertion.

For a completely mundane reason. Statistics, in fact, do not cover all aspects of working life and jobs. They only cover the ‘classical’ ones. Thus, they did not notice the dawn of a completely new profession – the penitent! In free translation, also known as ‘snitch’, ‘squealer’, protected or ‘set-up’ witness, depending on luck. We can call it something else, but the essence remains the same – he gives them information, they give him something in return! The essence of this new business is not complicated at all. No retraining of qualifications and knowledge is necessary. It is enough to provide the prosecutors with the desired information, with a shorter or no punishment at all. More or less, with all retained, criminally acquired goods.  Which prosecutors, even if their hearts are bursting with desire and envy, cannot seize. Because in financial reports and personal accounts, they cannot read the trail of money.

As DORH and USKOK diligently work, and prisons fill up, an explosion of this profession is expected. Which is good for both statistics and macroeconomics. And personally, it is quite profitable. We recently debated in the editorial office whether it would be worth going to Remetinec for a year or two. Maybe even three. With a million in pocket to secure a future for the children. Who can then attend the London School of Economics. Or Harvard.  Or Yale. And not the pathetic, corrupt Faculty of Economics. Or Law. Which can only produce one (acceptable) state attorney. I admit, our palms were itching. Unfortunately, we concluded that we do not possess such managerial skills.

For a long time, the guy from Knežija, Tomislav Marinac, was the first official penitent among Croats. It started with ordinary street crime. It will end in the cosmic heights of managerial wizards who prove that we are more imaginative in frauds than any financial derivative designed in the last twenty years. Zdravko Šestak could, allegedly, say something about Polančec, and Josip Protega perhaps about the one in a higher position. Maybe. In the latest list of penitents, only Robert Matanić stands out, who could only conclude that he is –  an idiot. 

But do you know who the real idiot is? My longtime friend who has been struggling for over a decade to keep a small wood industry company with about ten employees afloat. It’s not that there is no work. It’s not that there are no export orders. But every damned year, this entrepreneur is forced to pay around 150 thousand kuna in bribes. Or racketeering, if you will. He pays to enter the shopping center. He pays to get paid ‘on time’. Which means not in nine but in six months. He pays the Ministry to have a chance in the competition for grants. He pays the inspection. He pays everyone he must to enter and survive in a market dominated by the big players. Who will probably one day call themselves penitents. And after a year or two in prison, enjoy in Barbados or the Virgin Islands with millions of plundered kuna. While my friend continues to fight for the salaries of employees.

The dirt of others that, through taxes, I mostly wash away with music. I watched the other night, captivated by how much pleasure EKV, my favorite band from the former state (composed of those who were members at some point), played their gig. I calculated how much they earned. About a hundred visitors times 60 kuna divided by six or seven members…. All in all, pitiful. Despite that, every note played was magnificent. There is no penitent who can measure up to that!